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“Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" [Apr. 17th, 2012|11:56 pm]
[Current Mood |soresickly]
[Current Music |Solar Fields - Sol]

So what the HELL? I haven't posted in weeks, what happened?

You might want to get comfortable... )
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Bullet Proof [Feb. 23rd, 2012|02:21 pm]
[Current Music |The Knife - Heartbeats]

My buddy Kevin posted this on my FB page and I've watched it about five times since -
Behold the trailer for Borderlands 2!:

I can say about the first Borderlands, it's replay value is fairly high - In fact, I am currently replaying it for about the 8th time total going back to this damn game. I know it has it's flaws, and I know that the "endless" amount of weapons are basically just about 10 different gun templates and the differences are in the subtle details. I know all this, I even thought I was shelving the game forever when I discovered the Fallout games, yet I'm back into it. (Sometimes when I close my eyes, I see hitpoints fountaining out of imaginary bad guys.)

So it's safe to say I'm turbo excited for newness, more guns and guns and guns.... and that ninja character looks rad. C'mon.

Social Situations:
Finally going shooting tonight! What we shoot depends on whatever J-dubs feels like at the time, but it will be great anyhow. My step dad has been in the hospital over last night and today (he's okay now, but it's scary when you don't know what's happening, and I wish I lived closer to help them out), I haven't had any target practice in long time (too long), and I get to catch up with a buddy of mine - I feel like it's the perfect thing. Good thinkin', JW!
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I ate all your bees! [Feb. 22nd, 2012|11:32 am]
[Current Music |Cake - Comfort Eagle]

Still running! If interested in reading my fitness and diet progress, here are links to my latest blog posts over at Nerd Fitness:
*Blog Post: The First
*Week 1 of Training (To Not Suck at April's 5k)
*Runnin' Around Town

Newses!
Local Rock Picnic – my bro-in-law has always been a fantastic promoter of local bands and almost everyone I meet even slightly connected to the music scene knows him or at least knows his name ( that name being Brian Parra, or otherwise operating under the business name Saturday Night Sound.) Last year, he set up a Local Rock Picnic consisting of a good number of the acts around town to gather in Plaza Park in Ventura and make a day of it. This year was proof that he has truly honed the skillz of pulling a music event together as the second annual all-ages Local Rock Picnic accented the end of music week in Ventura just this last weekend. He is such a rockstar at promoting, advertising, organizing, communicating with vendors, bands, and the community and it ended up being a great turnout. Check out more about it in this VC Star article.

I live within walking distance of the event, so thought I should at least check out the good time, and stayed long enough to hear a full set by a band named Skick (who are great, which I admit surprised me because at ages 11-15, they seem so young. Their sound really got my attention - they'll go far, I'll bet.) At the park,  I ran into a friend of mine I hadn’t seen in awhile so it was good to catch up. It happened that he was also going to see Cake that night at the Hollywood Palladium (JELIS!) Luckily, my envy diminished when I was invited along later that same day. (yus!)

The Cake show was general admission, all standing, which meant people were sometimes *too* close. I wish I could have moved around more, we were at a freaking Cake concert for crying out loud! People in the front row were just standing there! At least seeing Pinback at The Hub in Santa Barbara – that place is like a tiny basement - we were all DANCING. So the standing there and bobbing our heads deal was a little tense. My friend and I were standing pretty much right in the middle and close enough to the stage to really enjoy the band, but it’s times like that even at 5'7", I feel really short. I strained to see the lead singer most of the time. But when I did, it was basically awesome - and there was a disco ball of coolness and neato ufo-like lighting. I’ve seen Cake perform many years ago at a KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas event, but this was much more intimate and great. No one opened for them on purpose, so they were able to play TWO sets and an encore. Pretty sweet. Their guitarist, Xan, looked a lot like Mark Pellegrino to me, so that was amusing as well.



That guy is in everything.

It was a great set and they gave away a lemon tree to someone who promised to take care of it forever and send in photos of the progress, even if they get fat. The vibraslap was utilized, John McCrea uttered,  “aw, no!” “aw, right!” and “yaw!” at least once during the concert so he was not an imposter in case you were worried. And they played Frank Sinatra, so my night was set. It was a happy accident that I got to see them, and I thoroughly thank Gary and especially his friend Anisa for giving up her ticket so that I could go.

Rather than try to remember the whole setlist, I found it posted here 

Dreams – I had a bad dream that affected me for awhile, and it made me forget the other dream I was going to post here (sorry.) I was at Edgar Wright’s house and Graham Elwood was there with him just hanging out. They got trashed and fell asleep. I felt a little awkward just standing around waiting for them to wake up, so I found a spot in the house to get cozy and maybe doze off myself. That’s when Graham made a rather scary advance, he was super aggressive and I realized after a few minutes he even managed to drug me. I was starting to slip out of consciousness and it was looking a whole lot like I would be taken advantage of if I were to pass out altogether. Somehow I pulled through to get away. He gripped my forearm hard and I don’t think I could have hated anyone more than I hated Graham Elwood right then. Edgar was off someplace in a corner of his huge house, dead to the world, so he couldn’t even come to my rescue if I were calling out at the top of my lungs. I fought him off and was somehow able to put some distance between me and him, but that was brief. A long struggle ensued, but I managed to push him and lock him outside. Two of the windows near the front of the house were smashed in the process. I was padding across the broken glass for hours without feeling it as severely because of the adrenaline.

When Edgar finally awoke that morning (I hadn’t slept) I tried to tell him what happened without sounding crazy. I am certain I sounded like a loon, spouting off the whole thing a mile a minute. He kept calm and repeated “are you sure?” a few times as if he couldn’t imagine Graham doing such a thing (I would never believe it either, yet…) Then he saw the broken glass and looked down at my feet covered in dirt and dried blood like I just finished shooting the final scenes of Die Hard. He then saw Graham outside waiting by the door - he looked pissed, but he did not look surprised. He looked guilty but without an ounce of remorse, just looked hateful. Even so, Edgar opened the door so they could all talk about it. I just could not stop myself, I threw my fist at his face, but I missed. Weakly, I tried again but couldn’t hurt him. It was so frustrating. Though I felt comfort with Edgar, now that Graham was allowed back inside, I decided to leave, there's nothing that could make it all better with a little chat.

Then the sting began to creep back into my feet but at the same time the ground was nice and warm from the sun - so my brain was confused whether to feel good from the pleasant heat on my feets or to limp because of the cuts. I woke up really rather disturbed, and I tip-toed to the bathroom because I expected my feet to still be sore. but they were fine. (Of course they were, it was a dream.)

Graham Elwood is usually found hanging with Doug Benson, and he’s a super nice, non-drinking, non-smokin’ vegetarian that wouldn’t hurt a kitten hand. It took me a couple days to be able to catch up on Comedy Film Nerds podcast. Peh, sometimes my dreams are stupid.

Games - Deputy Bad Ass lent me the game Rage (it had gotten to a decent price, but he insisted on me borrowing his copy.) I admit I kind of hyped this game up in my mind too much before I played it. It is the lovechild of both Bethesda and id, who are responsible for the Fallout games I am obsessed with, and the DOOM games that both he and I were in love with in our youth (DOOM and DOOM2 were some of the first games I found available for the 360 when I got it and it brought back a lot of fond memories.)  So we expected a lot from it. When my buddy first got it, he mentioned that it’s what Borderlands should have been, all the more making me excited to play it.

Well, I did play it, but just as it was getting good, the credits rolled. What? It’s over? It was a very pretty game with lots of potential, but I felt like I couldn’t explore as much as I thought you should be able to. One thing that irked me (I'm still upset about it!) - coming to your first real urban district, you see a group of dudes outside one of the shops playing some sort of hologram game. It looks so rad! I want to play that! You don’t get to talk to them or know what it is or play it or be any part of it, you just see them get into it and look on with envy. The player should totally be able to explore whatever that is! Aside from that annoyance, I loved the art of the game, loved some of the weapons (especially the wingsticks that would come back to you like a boomerang after successfully slicing someone's head off.) I really dug the balance between the sort of futuristic type themes you'd find in Blade Runner or the Matrix, but it also reminded me of the post-apocalyptic games I love like Borderlands and Fallout. But it just didn’t live up to my hopes and dreams. Too short, and the actually gameplay was very samesy/repetitive. Oh well. Perhaps they’ll release some DLC or a sequel and maybe listen to some of the fans who wanted more from it.



I am trying to learn my lesson and not hype up the next BioShock (Infinite) in my mind too much in case I am let down like with Rage. Though, I have no real doubts that I will enjoy it on a couple levels at least. In the meantime, I have relapsed and have been replaying Borderlands. I can honestly say that it's still fun. “YOU know what you need to know.” (my favorite Zed quote.)


Other stuffs -
I have truly found a Misfits partner – my friend Heather has been hanging out each Wednesday to continue the series, and it’s awesome to rewatch it with someone who hasn’t seen it yet. I don't believe it is possible for me to overdose on that show. We are almost done with season 2, then she’ll see the wackiness that is season 3. That is when all sorts of crazy shit goes down - when the show "jumps the shark" as they say - but I, for one, am still entertained and look forward to a 4th season later this year. After we finish it up, perhaps we will get into another show (Sherlock seems fun) as I enjoy these Wednesdays with friend time. Plus, she knows her shit, Batman-wise, so she is allowed to come over whenever she wants, basically. :P

I signed up with Thisismyjam.com – that's a link to my current jam and the ones I previously posted. I’ve already posted most of these on here already at one point or another, but it’s a fun psuedo-social thing to have going. And I can peek in on Wil and Edgar’s jams as well.

I got myself a brand new laptop after several months of making do with my phone and the wonky barely functioning PC I have wedged in a corner of my room that took a few sessions of yoga to figure out to comfortably access it. It means I can consult the NF rebel running guide pretty much anywhere (I do all of the auxiliary exercises on my training program in my living room because it's the only place I can sprawl out.) AND it also means I can finally catch up on Season 4 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Thank GOD.

Podcast Recommendations! Here is a list of podcasts you can find on iTunes (I use the Downcast app for iPhone that puts all my favorites in one place – just remember to set it to download when you’re using wifi, or AT&T will banish you to the doomed top 5% of data users category and slow your ish down.)
ANYCRAP:

Doug Loves Movies  with Doug Benson  - the one over a year ago with John Lithgow is still my favorite, but anytime he has Edgar Wright, Paul F. Thompkins or anyone crossing over from the podcasts below, you are guaranteed some quality entertaining times.

Comedy Film Nerds podcast with Graham Elwood and Chris Mancini - I like it when Doug is on the show because I like it when Doug is on any show.

Nerdist podcast with Chris Hardwick, Jonah Ray and Matt Mira  - Oh, gosh, Wil Wheaton, Hodgman, Billy West, Zooey Deschannel, or the Tom Wilson episode - each super interesting, but recently they had Jenna Elfman on and that was a great one. They also often do “hostful” episodes where they just chat and goof off (I just love these guys.)

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes - the more recent one with Steve Agee was the most entertaining of all of them so far.

Making It with Riki Lindhome (one half of Garfunkel & Oates) - she had on Thomas Lennon not that long ago – a great listen. And I haven’t listened to it yet, but I see James Urbaniak is on the latest one and I look forward to that (go team Venture!)

Big Pop Fun with Tom Wilson – I just like listening to him tell stories, though his podcasts are too short if you ask me.

Those last four are all on the Nerdist network if interested in diving deeper into that realm and discovering more similar podcasts. I consider Comedy Film Nerds to be the brother podcast to Doug Loves Movies because you can find merch for both on the Comedy Film Nerds website. I repeat, Graham Elwood is not a bad man – I realize now that I did have some pinot grigio before bed when I had that awful dream, so don’t judge him based on what my stupid brain does.


I'm probably forgetting something. If so, chalk it up to me exploring my mysterious side and just guess at all the crazy stuff I am getting myself into (like making a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella and pepperoni and wondering why I didn't think of it sooner.)

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Now I've gone and done it... [Feb. 1st, 2012|02:09 pm]
So what have I gotten myself into? Training for a 5k race in April, that's what. (I still can't get over it.)

BUT - here's the thing - I am a fan of everything making sense, everything being clear, and falling into place perfectly. I found it interesting that I found the flyer for our Corporate Games 10 weeks before the 5k which is the precise amount of time I will use to train up -AND- that I discovered Nerd Fitness and re-lit my fire for getting healthier just recently. I put the two together in my mind and realized I could use Nerd Fitness to my advantage here - and MAYBE, what IF - I could train to become a runner. Just for a little while. You know, to see what it's like.
I purchased the Rebel Running Guide and everything just clicks into place. I love it when this happens. Next thing I know, I've RTFM from start to finish, absorbing the basics of running form, the program, the exercises, the warm-ups, the diet, and oh geez, what have I become? Even though the Corporate Games this year also include awesome things like go-cart racing and texas hold 'em - I feel LEAST intimidated by the running that I've never done in my life.
So I signed up. I did it! No erasies! This race on the horizon will help motivate me for sure. This Rebel Running training program I've customized just makes a whole lot of sense. It seems to be scientifically and mathematically sound and if I stick to it, I really believe I can finish the 5k without hating life.

Week 1 of my training is already in progress, friends. My running days are Saturday, Monday and Thursday including either a core or bodyweight workout routine aftwerwards. Tuesdays and Fridays are my elliptical gym days. Wednesdays are the wild card days - will I do something rad like go to a Chemical Brothers movie concert thing something something like I will tonight? Will I do the Bob Harper yoga video and cry on the floor in the fetal position? Will I work on makin' my arms look TOUGH? Will I watch the latest Misfits again? No one knows, it is madness. Sundays are my rest days with no exceptions. I shall dub them Spa-day Sun-day and will do girly things like paint my toe nails while wearing a clarifying mud mask and then put on my prettiest smelling lotion and play video games.

So far, I have run a total of one mile (Collectively in 15 minutes.) It. is. so. hard. Gruh! But this is why I start small and build up. I bet you can't wait for the day where I writing all about completing 3 miles adding 6-10 strides and a few hand stand pushups....
Well, if so - then I should probably tell you that from now on, I will try to keep this particular journal relatively free from fitness talk. No, no, don't make the cry face - it's all cool now - because I now have a blog over in the Nerd Fitness Community for all that ish. HINT: I'm the user with the Bill Murray avatar (under SplendidPJs.) I'll occasionally link it up here from time to time, but I think it's best not to bore you all (*waves at mom*) with my exercise talky talk. If you are interested in stalking me by lurking over there in their forums, you will see that I am, most of the time, giddy as hell to even be a part of those message boards. I use things like exclamation points (!) This is because it is an entire community that geeks out about similar things AND aims to get fit simultaneously in a row. It's quite a fun little place and inspiring as all get out, I'll tell you what.

"So I have that going for me...which is nice."
Soon I'll get this blog back on track with a micro review of Rage and a dream that has stayed with me for a couple days (though it's hard for me to string events together to where they make sense outside of my brain.)

Until then, I will probably have listened to the track "Love Will Come" by Maps (not much of a video) a few more times as it's what I am currently obsessed with. Also - Running to Girl Talk's "All Day" kinda just...works. It's not for everybody, but I can get behind it.
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Save me, Barry! [Jan. 9th, 2012|04:16 pm]
[Current Mood |bouncy.]
[Current Music |Massive Attack - Paradise Circus]

Jeez, if I’m not careful, it will be 2013 before I know it. I think I’ll post here few things that have been pretty rad lately before they become irrelevant.

Before I get into that, I want to get the bad stuff out of the way real quick – since the last time I posted, I lost my voice completely for a week and from the last two weeks of December have been fighting off one thing after another. Finally when my laryngitis was good and gone, I went to the gym, went to a party, things are looking up - and when I returned to work, I was sick all over again. Thankfully, I did not lose my voice that time, but it seems to be a recycled trend throughout the office – it’s times like those that I wish I can take care of business at home (in my brand new ducky footed-PJs.) Going to work was the worst because at least two other people had something they were just getting over and my immune system was already so stressed out – it was bad news. I think I am finally in the clear, but nothing else better happen to me because I think I am now immune to common cold meds and frankly, I am sick of being sick. (Turns out I am not immune to steamy showertime of greatness, however – I love to breathe, btw. You ever notice how breathing is awesome?)

OK now onto the good things!

Despite eating everything bad for me over all of the holidays beginning with Thanksgiving – including celebrating certain holidays more than once – I’ve managed to maintain a really decent weight. After casseroles, cookies (and don’t forget pie), getting sick and not exercising for strings of several days in a row, I felt terribly gross and a bit ashamed by the time I was able to finally walk back into the gym. Yet I surprise myself. I am currently at an even 180 which is excellent, you know, considering. And I can still rock a workout!

I wish I could afford to push an elliptical into my tiny apartment by magic because I really do still love it so much – I feel so awesome afterwards! However, I am slowly trying to phase the gym out (partly to cut costs) and do more strength and cardio from home. I have an adjustable 40-lbs (capacity) dumbbell set on the way and enough Bob Harper vids to drive myself completely batty. While I love the elliptical, and it’s currently the only reason I hit the gym, it is no/low impact. I torch calories on it, and yes I feel invincible afterwards, but it does nothing to strengthen my ankles or other joints affected by real world running motions. Meaning, should there be an apocalypse of some sort this year, if I try to break out into a run – my exceptional endurance will not matter. Whether or not the impact breaks my legs in several places or my muscles snap within the first ten minutes is what I am worried about. I do not enjoy running, but sometimes I feel like I want to get into it in case I ever have to run (and also for the sense of accomplishment those insane people get from running 5Ks and such.) So I want to condition my body for impact cardio like that. Also – I don’t really like the idea of weight machines so much, but rather can get behind body resistance exercise and free weight training that incorporates balance and things like... Your eyes are glazing. I’m going to stop talking about fitnessy stuff. ... in a sec - look, the bottom line is, I am in a pretty good spot and I’m ready to kick it up a notch and continue making myself feel awesome. A site I recently found that totally inspires me is NerdFitness.com. I completely recommend everyone take a look to read through it and support the guy that runs it – I absolutely love the philosophy behind all of it (“level up you’re life”) and I enjoy reading each blog post.

Other things of coolness: Magic Mountain happened, and even though I nearly lost my glasses forever on Scream, I had double handfuls of fun (thanks to not-new-anymore-friend Kevin, really, because he’s rad.) I gained some fantastic loot for Christmas (among which was Absolute Batman Hush that I read through in one sitting), I got in some fun party time, some friend hangout time, some roller derby spectator time. I got to read some new-ish Hellboy, play pinball, play Galaga, play three Fallout 3 DLC’s (including Operation Anchorage which proved to me that the folks over at Bethesda can be quite the practical jokers.)


And then I got totally hooked on a British comedy/drama called Misfits.

I am so in love with this show. It’s both ridiculous and absurd (the show and my love for it.) Hulu Plus offers 2 of the 3 seasons in their entirety and then each Monday they release an new-to-me episode from season 3 (a 4th season is on it’s way as well, thank goodness.) I have watched each available episode twice, bought the original score and the soundtrack, have scoured youtube for all the behind-the-scenes stuff and am considering buying some sort of related clothing merchadise. Yeah, I became one of those. British series are quite short (6-7 episodes per season) compared to American shows that go on for something like 24 episodes, so I get all greedy for more – but they do cram a ton of quality stuff into each zany episode. The big issue is that UK-side, they’ve already seen everything and have obsessed about it and talked about it and made fan vids and blogs about it and practiced their Kelly accent (et's wick-ud)– so the entire internet is one big spoiler farm for me over here in the US.

It’s one of those shows that you might be completely lost if you start in anywhere not from the beginning. And there are a lot of mysteries that are a treat to figure out/discover as the show progresses. My advice if you are not in the UK and want to get into this show – do not read anything about it. (If you use that as an excuse to stop right here and abandon the rest of this post, so be it.) Unfortunately, it’s currently only really easily accesible through Hulu Plus (though I think Amazon and iTunes also provide it for $2/episode) if you don’t acquire it through “other means.” While I don’t really recommend getting Hulu Plus, it might be worth your money and time to purchase this one show. Or, if your dvd player does not region discriminate, seasons 1 & 2 are available for purchase out there as part of a set.

Oh yeah, so what the heck is this show even about anyway? Basically, a group of teenagers in community service get caught in a wacky storm and they discover they have suddenly acquired super powers. Hijinks then ensue. It has been compared to both Skins (UK) and Heroes (US) but I like neither of those two shows. It’s quite graphic in that there is a lot of death and nudity and crass language, but parts of the show are so ridiculous that I consider it a "gripping comedy."

In season two, a story develops about a mysterious free-running masked man that helps out the group at precisely the right points in time (nicknamed superhoodie) and it’s the best thing that has happened to me. That storyline and the reveal and all the pieces and direction really did it for me. Well, I’ve gushed long enough. And will you look at that? *eyeballs calendar* It’s Monday! *yes!*

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Always Look on The Bright Side of Death [Nov. 28th, 2011|10:23 am]
[Current Music |Interpol - All Fired Up]

Dreamtime!
I was in a dark and crowded place, waiting to pick up a weapon. It seemed underground like in the movie Alien from L.A. (which is my favorite MST3K’d movie, but very hard to find for some reason.) The one I got was very large fully automatic machine gun with features I may never use, and when I slung on my back, I felt like a Ghostbuster. There was a witch out and about causing problems. She had just reanimated an army of zombies to come after us, to slow us down. I fought them with my buddy (a young) Eric Idle’s help and Fiona Shaw was this very powerful...uh...super witch? I don't know, to be honest, but she was serious business magical, and was trying to locate the other witch. The zombies weren’t a terrible nuisance, just very very annoying and they served as a distraction from getting to the lady who is causing problems.
  

Finally we were on her trail, and Fiona found the witch in a room with lots of bright light coming from it. The brightness of the light made ish scarier somehow, like there should also be horror movie music happening. I was waiting anxiously in the hallway with my gun drawn. The zombies were no longer really under her power anymore, she has to really focus for them to do any damage, so now they were completely harmless but still very scary if you found one sitting in a dark hallway (and there was one, and I nearly shot the wall up when I realized what it was.)  I asked Fiona what she saw, if the witch was in there, and she just nodded for me to go in and see for myself. I steeled myself and ran in prepared for an attack and it was certainly bright in there from a halogen lamp that had been pushed over onto the ground, but no one was around. We stepped through the room and outside where we found the witch standing near a campfire on uneven ground that was slightly swaying in the swamp. It was light AND it was dark. There was no sun, but we could see – it was foggy and boggy and eerie, but you can't tell if it's day or night. I stepped out on a what seemed to be like a giant black tree branch or something like that, it bobbed with my weight, but I didn’t feel like I was gonna fall in. The witch seemed like a ghost to me so I slung the gun on my back again feeling like I would waste ammo if I were to just spray bullets. I wasn't afraid anymore anyway.

Fiona announced that the witch girl was settling on the largest person in the universe and that is where she is drawing some of her power, but she needs to leave because the largest person in the universe is dead and she needs to show some respect. I then realized I was standing on the dreadlocks of the largest person in the universe, who was dead in this very bog. I could make out most of the rest of the body floating in the water. Fiona was standing in the doorway refusing to disrespect his body and I looked back at the witch and the campfire and felt like it really was very wrong of her to do that now that we all know what we're standing on. She felt guilty and left, and Fiona went back to tend to Important Matters leaving me alone on the largest dead person in the universe’s dreadlock. I found a very small shield in the water and tested my weight on that instead. Then I found a very long smooth stick and travelled through the swamp standing on my very small makeshift raft. I could really get around this way - I decided that it would save me a lot of time if I could cross water so quickly like this, so I set down my gun and replaced the space on my back with the shield and the pole stick thing.

Having no apparent threats at the moment, I decided to take a bath. I was suddenly in a bathtub, very comfortably warm and my back cracked and it was awesome. Someone came in and after a millisecond of freaking out it was a zombie or someone to attack me, wishing I had my gun or anything to defend myself - I saw that it was a former friend of mine, Patrick, and I couldn’t get any words out because I was just stumped and maybe a little bewildered. He leaned forward looking into my bath at me as if to say “what are you DOING in here?” then ran when he saw the expression on my face. I was PISSED. I leapt out and ran after him, and yeah, I was totally naked but I didn’t care. I got about five feet outside my door and realized I didn’t know what direction he went, man, he must be a fast runner or something because I thought for sure I would catch him. I slowly walked backwards toward my doorway and paused - I couldn't even hear the sound of footsteps or anything.

Just then, Eric Idle pushed passed me and went into my studio, completely unphased by my nudity. As I crossed the doorway, I was suddenly wearing very warm flannel PJs I don’t remember owning or having time to put on. I asked Eric if he had seen anyone out there running away and he said, “Did you know those zombies are still around? But since they aren’t under anyone’s control, they just sit around staring at people. I mean, they just sit there.... They certainly don’t RUN.” Eric had a bowl of fresh, homemade sweetpotato fries and where the undrained tub used to be was now a futon he was sitting on facing a small television. This was my “home”: door, tv, futon/tub. That’s it. It was very small. Smaller than small, actually. Eric had come over to watch The Life of Brian with me (which I really wanted to see again!) However, I flopped down on the futon and began wondering about my sighting – was Patrick dead and now he’s haunting me? Guh. I started to wonder about other friends while Eric became Russell Brand and just continued rambling about other things. I continued my thought path drowning out the movie and ignoring Russell Idle - I thought if anyone had survived, it would be Deputy Bad Ass. Maybe he became a hunter like in Supernatural – that would be SO GREAT. As I was thinking about this stuff, it seemed like it had been lifetimes ago that I had these friends. I was curious at how old I was, and I looked down at my arms and hands to get an estimate but couldn’t really determine my age. It also occurred to me that I haven't come across a single mirror in probably years. My eyes came into focus on the movie again and I realized it was some war film, not Life of Brian at all. Bah.

 


I excused myself to go out looking for any of my friends that might still be alive. I found myself caught in a line for something in a darkened office building (no electricity) but it was crowded. Lots of people were lining up for some kind of nametag or wristband or something. I tried socializing in this line, making new friends, trying to figure out where to start searching for my old ones. Someone got ahold of a label maker and we were printing up funny fake names for ourselves. I finally became next in line and at the head of the line was Fiona Shaw making badges, and it was my turn. She explained that these are badges used in a similar way as driver's licenses, we need identification for the afterlife and she motioned for me to give her my label. It was a ridiculously long and silly name and I kinda felt like an idiot at first, like Fiona caught me being childish when earlier in the same day (was it the same day?) I was fighting back zombies and confronting a witch and travelling on my own through a scary swamp that gave me the creeps. But then I owned up to it. If this is what I must do –  I will become *ridiculously long and silly name* and that will be who I am in the afterlife. Whenever I get there. Because I’m not dead. Am I?

It would really explain the “other planet” feel to things now, and how time doesn’t matter the same – it often feels like I have all the time in the world and have ran out of time at once. And the other little things...Hmm. Can ghosts weild machine guns? I sought logical explanations and definitive answers - I was tired of just wondering the day away. I decided to retrace my steps back to my micro studio to find Eric Idle and the sweet potato fries to see what he thinks.

I forgot what I was doing and was back in the swamp on my personal raft, deciding it was kind of fun to travel this way. I looked down into the water and it was a color that was just wrong to me. It was icky grey and cloudy, but in an eerie way that gave me chills to think about how water turned that color and consistency. Then I remembered the largest person in the universe dead in the water and scooted over in his direction. His eyes were open and they were white and disturbing. They say he’s dead, because he is just floating in the water of this bog – I bet Fiona knows how long he’s been here. But he seemed AWARE, you know? Like he listens and he sees and he knows, and I realized I was staring at him and so I looked aimlessly around the bog instead. But then something moved in the water freaking me out to where I was not stable enough on my raft and I stumbled upon the largest person in the universe’s face simultaneously trying to get my footing and feeling bad about accidentally stepping all over his cheeks. I kept apologizing until I finally climbed to the room with the bright light in it. Someone had moved my gun and propped it in the wall in there and I went over to it noting how hardcore it looked. I then noticed Fiona stood in the doorway nearest to the hallway (where the zombie was still sitting) and she had her arms folded like she was wondering what to do with me.

My alarm went off here, and I tried to go back to sleep to continue the dream but it just didn’t happen. I know I’ve been reading American Gods lately and that might account for the dark weirdyness, but I’ve also been catching up on a lot of Arrested Development so you just don’t know which way my brain will go in dreams, you know?

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Strange Desire Take Me Over [Nov. 16th, 2011|03:52 pm]
[Current Music |Rolling Stones - Rain Fall Down]

Right. So,
Movies:

"Hanna" – OK, look, I know I am pretty much under contract, basically, to fall in love with assassin movies. It’s just how my inner workings…uh, work. But this one is really good, I promise, not just because it involves guns and badassery. A little girl is raised to be this awesome hunter/killer/survivalist until she is ready to reveal her whereabouts and take on the ruthless agent that killed her mother. That is the baseline basic story right there. It unfolds with chases, adaptation to modern life, kick ass fight/escape scenes and truths about Hanna. The film is scored by the Chemical Brothers so you get really amped anytime anyone is using mad skills.

Graham Elwood, who is now a close friend of mine because we met once that one time, (he doesn’t remember me probably) recommended on his Comedy Film Nerds podcast the film "13 Assassins." He raves it is awesomely filmed, and there is, like, a 45-minute sword fight of amazingness in it. It’s something I would like to see. I will probably write more about it if I were to actually see the film, but Graham got so pumped about it in his review (though he is usually quite pumped about samurai movies in general) that it carried over right into my blog. Right there, for everybody. Has anyone seen it?

I recently, finally, finished "Ip Man 2" – the Ip Man movies are really great, though I prefer the first to the sequel. It is said that Bruce Lee was Ip Man’s protégé, to give you a brief idea of this legend of the master teaching the art of Wing Chun (admittedly,  I sometimes get “everybody wang chung, tonight” in my head when I think about these films because it’s silly and inappropriate.) The fighting techniques in both movies are really cool to watch, I highly recommend if you are into foreign kung-fu films.

(What is with all these violent movies I’ve been watching lately?)

Going through ancient files here at the airport, I came across the complete screenplay for a movie called “Johnny Utah” from 1987. I imagined it to be one of the films that has used our airport for several scenes – there have been hundreds over the years from Project X in the 80's (that I also came across in our file archives, complete with pics from the set) to Jackass 3D (I was quite upset when I learned everyone in this department got to meet the cast of Jackass…except for ME.) I wondered why we kept such an old screenplay, but seriously, it’s apparent no one wanted to really go through these files until they had double handfuls of free time – which is, by the looks of it, never…until now (I know, I'm very lucky.) Well! Glancing through it, it became more and more obvious to me that this is really the screenplay for Point Break. My boss agreed to let me have it. I now have the yellowed, dusty screenplay to the Keanu Reeves/Patrick Swayze hit straight from the late 80's (released in the 90's?) and sitting on my table in my apartment. I’m not totally certain why I think that is SO GREAT, but  I plan to read through it, watch the movie to see what they cut out, and maybe then donate it to Doug Benson. (He loves movies, I hear, and he may appreciate it, maybe.)

Comics/Books:

Chew Vol. 4: Flambe – I. LOVE. THIS. SERIES. This is apparently not the last in the series (it better not be, anyway) so as usual, I am left wanting to read more. To shake things up, this time the zanyness continues with the added weirdness of alien script written in fire in the sky and surrounding the globe suddenly. I follow Mr. Layman on Twitter. He is quite strange, and a mass-murderer of scorpions that seem to never cease plaguing his home. But I am grateful for his strangeitude. Chew is completely twisted and I love it, though I have to remember that even though I have enough time to burn through it on my lunch break, it is not a storyline that I should combine with snacking.

I’m currently re-reading American Gods for the fourth (?) time (I think that’s correct.) Different things stand out each time, I’m noticing. There is a lot I don't quite remember, so it becomes fresh all over again. I read the book with Interpol’s "Turn On The Bright Lights" on loop as soundtrack the first time I read it. The guitar melodies seemed to always turn a bit sinister, appropriately, if only slightly, and it made a good background for the tales. This time around, I have Pandora’s Little People station taking me through, and it fits really, really well.  I get so sucked into this one, it’s a story I really enjoy even if a bit disturbing in places. If you’ve read this book (and liked it), I recommend also reading the follow-up Anansi Boys which mainly focuses on "Mr. Nancy" from the book. I know they are adapting American Gods for a series – frankly, I don’t want anyone to touch it. It’s perfect as is, but Neil Gaiman himself is on board with it and I do trust his judgement. Coraline, while not the same at all, was made into an animated film that I really liked. So, see? I shouldn’t compare American Gods and its deep darkiness versus what is essentially a children’s book that can still be enjoyed by adults, but sometimes adaptations are good, is my point. Neverwhere is another one by Gaiman that really pulls you into the adventures, but that one is less..uh, adult. (However, the series adaptation for THAT didn't do it justice, unfortunately, even with as entertaining as it was.) Basically, I just love his writing. His blog is quite good, too, if you find yourself a fan of his work – I think you will find Neil Gaiman, just the dude(not just the author), is quite awesome, is what I’m trying to say.


A friend of mine lent me the "Kick-Ass" graphic novel and I gotta say, I was quite disappointed. I think that might actually be a first – not enjoying the source material? The books are always better, isn’t that a rule or something? I was very happy with the changes that were made for the film and damn, that film is really great, isn’t it? The warehouse fire scene alone is enough to make me internally go “hell YEAH!” In the movies, the contrast between Kick-Ass starting out as sort of pathetic and becoming overwhelmed vs. the “real” superheroes who have the solid backstory motive and serious skillz is much stronger than is conveyed in the book. The comic actually takes away the coolness of Big Daddy and Hit Girl – it’s there, everything’s rad, and then they take it from you in the end.  Also - the girlfriend character is a real bitch, the way it played out in the book was depressing. But the light at the end of the tunnel is, I have a lot more respect for the way they filmed it now and the decisions they made to make the movie cooler. Watching it again, the actors are so perfect too. Not perfect for the comic book characters, but perfect for what makes Natalie enjoy a film and internally go “hell YEAH!”

Teeveebox:

I cancelled my Netflix account to cut costs (yeah…not really missing it, btw.) BUT then immediately afterward, they released the first 3 seasons of Breaking Bad on instant. Of course they did that. I stayed true to my decision to be frugal about things, however, and “borrowed” a friend’s account that I discovered I could use on my iPhone without having to sync it or give more detailed account information or anything. (I was given permission, it’s not like he’s oblivious, and I was good: only used it to watch Breaking Bad…and to go ahead and star UHF five stars for him.) Let’s see…I finished all three seasons of Breaking Bad in oh…2 weeks?  So, I did get transfixed by it like everyone else and I do really want to begin Season 4, but I’m not foaming at the mouth for more RIGHT NOW. Honestly, I recall being more mad about Dexter when I first discovered it. I know what it’s like to be crazy about a TV show. I like Breaking Bad and all, guys, but I can be patient. Besides, I need time to remove the stress knots from my shoulders after watching three seasons of what should be called “Everything That Can Go Wrong Ever.”

I workout at home more often these days so that I can continue to “watch tv” and not feel like a slacker. I mentioned that I cancelled my Netflix account, but I did not yet cancel my Hulu Plus account. I don’t really recommend paying Netflix pricing for Hulu Plus, but I do it – I can watch through my xbox which is nice and convenient if you are like me and don’t have cable (or a working laptop.) They have a heck of a lot of shows that I happen to like, but it’s available in HD quality only. Hulu seems to think this is a good thing. I seem to want to throw my controller into my TV when whatever program I try to watch buffers every 30 seconds. Occasionally, I’ll catch it on a good day, though, and get to see a lot of my favorites (Supernatural, House, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, Nikita, Castle) and some that I am a little ashamed that I watch but I watch nonetheless (Terra Nova, America’s Next Top Model All Stars) all the while burning through an hour kettlebell workout. If I am involving weights, I always try to also incorporate cardio to keep my heart-rate up. I feel Bob Harper is the master at teaching this in his kettlebell video (“Burpees, 15!” “Fuck you, Bob! Just kidding, I love you!”), but I improvise on my own too and still burn about the same amount of calories (all the while seeing what Sam & Dean have gotten themselves into or how Castle and Beckett will solve the crime this week.) I still hit up the gym a few times a week so that I can astonish myself with my boosted abilities on the elliptical trainer. I can always do just a little more than I could the last time I stepped foot in and it makes me feel awesome. 

Videogames:

I have officially ventured into the territory of Downloadable Content. As I have the spare cash to do so, I have been purchasing extra adventurelines for Fallout 3 and most recently for Bioshock 2. I ALWAYS forget how Bioshock 2 makes me cry like an idiot. It’s like, I’ve played the game a few times, I know what happens. I can never really be evil in games, so it’s not like I feel guilty, but I get so caught up in it, then they play sad music and I’m sobbing before I know it.

Fallout, though, ain't no thang. I still have trouble doing "bad" things in games, even in post-apocalyptic wastelands, but I don't think I've shed a tear since playing. I am at a point where everything in that game has become so burned into my brain by now that I think I keep playing like I’m some kind of machine because perhaps I am just addicted to looting things. The DLCs for Fallout 3 are genuinely fun, but I finish them quickly and go back and achievement-whore it up as much as I can. One day over this last weekend, I put in Orange Box to re-play Half-Life 2 for giggles. I remembered loving that game, and the sounds and music made me nostalgic for a little while, but DAMNIT my body knows this isn’t FALLOUT. This will not do!  (And you know what? Screw Ant Lions in the face!) But I tell you, when Borderlands 2 is released next year, I may have to write an official hiatus notice for my friends, family and co-workers.


Other coolness:
This weekend, I’m going to go to a Roller Derby all star showdown, which has much potential to be the hawesomes. I really like roller derby and have flirted with the idea of joining a team, but I wimp out everytime. It’s like rugby on skates - I’d rather watch and cheer from the sidelines than get bruises the size of my head upon my person. Still - should be a grand ol’ time, I don’t go nearly enough and this is pretty much the last game of the season.

I am also looking into a shooting range membership since it’s been far too many months since I’ve gone. If it just won’t jive with my budget, then I will revisit the idea after the holidays. I don’t have my own firearms so gun rentals could add up, ya know.  I think my arms are much stronger now, so that I can handle the shotguns and the like this time. Pew pew!

Oh AND – I got to play pinball while waiting for an appropriate time to head into the theaters to watch Ghostbusters on the big screen (I got there obscenely early.) Ghostbusters was such a great time, even though it was just me in the theater with a random couple nearer to the front. I chortled a lot, which I think cracked them up more than the film did. Ghostbusters rules, people. That theater should have been packed! While I have a very large screen TV now, and can watch it all up close anyway, this was an opportunity to get all the ambiance of seeing it in a theater which can be cool most times. And then, of course, there was pinball available. Bizarre, Rolling Stones pinball, but fun pinball nonetheless. If they put a Galaga machine in that place, my laundry quarter jar will be doomed for sure.

Some tunes I’ve been into recently:

Santigold – Anne (Her voice and the subtle kooky sounds in this song mesmerize me)
Crystal Castles – Crimewave
INXS – Strange Desire
Spoon – I Turn My Camera On (John McEntire remix)
Gorillaz – Rhinestone Eyes (Interesting comicbook-esque video)
Little People – Behind Closed Doors (excellent addition to the “American Gods” soundtrack, if it existed IRL)

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The Wedding of Mr. & Mrs. Deputy Bad Ass [Nov. 8th, 2011|10:48 am]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |Sweet Caroline BAH-BAH-BUH!]

For probably the most fancy-schmance-pants wedding I've ever been to, the wedding I attended this last weekend of a very close friend of mine was, simply put, funtimes. I really enjoyed myself, which is excellent considering I worried I would know no one there beyond the bride and groom and some family I recognize. A few other friends showed (thank goodness!), including Robbie who played a role in making my night as fun as it was. We were able to approach the reception as partners in silliness. Well, I was pretty silly, anyway. The wine probably had a lot to do with it.

The bride's family has a vineyard and the bride's father brews his own beer - so it was appropriate the bar offered white and red wines (including Opolo Red Zin which became my favorite that night), beers brewed by the family as well as the bride's favorite cocktail: The Sidecar. I didn't have one of those, but a friend of mine had about 2 or 3 that evening and she seemed to enjoy them. We stalked both of the hors d'oeuvre trays (crackers with fava bean spread and red onions, and crab-stuffed mushrooms) and relaxed around for a bit before being allowed into the proper party area where there will be delicious dinner, photographs, dancing, and outdoor heaters. Yes, it was about 45 degrees that night, and for someone like me who dislikes extreme weather temperatures (anything below or above 65), those heaters were a serious luxury. I was relieved to see that my assigned table had me seated next to my wedding attack partner of funitude. Unfortunately, the other guests we knew there were separated from us. We caught up later, hijacking a table from people who were busy dancing. We even stole the groom away to chat about video games, Bill Murray, their new place, the wedding music (that we decided needed more dubstep) and their honeymoon destination (New Zealand.) (I am thoroughly envious.) It was great to pull the groom away from his groomly duties for a few moments to hang out with us, that was a treat.

My camera stopped working from when the groom approached the aisle to the moment I came home to take my heels off. I was quite upset about this, but I am certain pics will pop up over the next month or so, and I am also pretty certain I photobombed a couple of the professional pics taken on the dancefloor. I am also fairly certain at least one person probably caught a pic of me wearing this large, burly, grey coat fit for an evening in Moscow (courtesy of Robbie when he likely noticed my teeth chattering.) I was wearing a dress afterall. Since my camera was an idiot about the whole wedding action shot thing, I snapped this pic just before I left:

 


I had a wrap but it did nothing to warm me, so I am thankful for that giant coat. I only wish I had one of those fuzzy hats to pull off the whole Russian look. OK, guys, listen - I am excited about this dress. It is girly with soft colors and flowy and wispy in places, which is completely unlike me, but this dress makes me feel like I could be a girl who wears dresses sometimes.  I have a ways to go still to whittle down the fatsy fat from my upper arms and legs, but would you believe this dress is a size 14? Earlier this year, I was squeezing into size 18 pants. This makes me feel pretty damn good. Also, I feel I should mention (read: gloat) anyone who knows me knows I never wear heels, I wear Converse, BUT I did amazingly well walking and even dancing in them without looking like a baby giraffe taking its first steps. Though, I do think I pulled a muscle in my back, and it felt much less painful when I finally removed them upon walking through my front door - so it's obvious the shoes were the culprit. They did make my legs look amazing, though...

When it was time to go, we decided to say goodbye to the dancing newlyweds by ambushing them on the dancefloor - we'll "dance" over to them - it will be quick and sly and we'll be out before they know it. Our two other friends were on board with this as well. As soon as my toes touched the dancefloor,  however, the music changed to slow and romantic. We continued with our plan anyway, moving toward them in slow-motion until we had them surrounded. (I can only imagine what this looked like to others.) Then we all moved in for a six-way group hug. OK, so it was an awkward exit, but I still find it amusing. Our take-home gift was a bottle of red wine made with grapes from the bride's family vineyard. I feel there couldn't have been a more appropriate momento for the evening, and it was a really great idea for the guests to all be able to celebrate their anniversary with it in a year's time.

Well you just can't find a more perfect pair than this, folks - I remember from the very beginning of the beginning of their relationship - Deputy Bad Ass was as smitten as I have ever known him to be about anyone. Speaking to a number of the bride's friends and colleagues at this reception, it seems she has always been just as mad for him too.  A good time was had by all at the wedding, and I am supremely jealous of the great time they will have in New Zealand.

Quick - someone else get married so I can wear the dress again!
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Superhero Party [Nov. 2nd, 2011|04:58 pm]
Little known facts:
 *Superheroes get smashed after one shot of Kraken, it's true. Lightweights, the lot of them.
*Drunk superheroes can walk all the way to 7-11 and forget why they went in the first place and just follow their stumbly friends back giggling the entire way - I've seen it happen...to a friend....*ahem*.
*Superheroes love talking about watching the movie Super Mario Bros. but they don't actually do it.
*Superheroes also talk mad game about owning others at Peggle, but they don't serve up troof proof.
*Some Superheroes have a real collection of really impressive real swords.
*Archer is considered a Superhero.
*Superheroes love dancing to Deadmau5

Apparently there can be more than one Super Grover in one place at one time without a decapitation..

Superheroes can cook things in their new oven without batting an eye, yes!

I've got another costume coming up - deputy bad ass is getting married this weekend and I will be attending in drag.
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Note to self: Do not take your oven for granted [Oct. 28th, 2011|04:52 pm]
[Current Music |Crystal Castles - Crimewave]

I'm not quite sure when this shifted from a pseudo dream journal and frequent peek into my geekster hobbies straight into Ranty Rant Rant Time, but sometimes I gotta blow off some steam, I guess. Besides this one (sort of?) has a happy ending.

Some of you (one of you...mom. Hi.) have been following the Oven Saga on my facebooks. Here's a little recap all in one place. About a month ago, my oven stopped working. I put in my favorite frozen pizza  (Freschetta By The Slice Spinach and Mushroom, if you are the kind that likes those specific deets) into my oven as per usjj, and 20 minutes later the slice was still frozen. What lameness is this? My stove doesn't work at all either anymore - without the swift use of matches, that is - but at least that I can work around. I wasn't about to crawl into my oven and fiddle with gas/flamesy mechanisms I don't understand.

I called the landlady about my dilemma. I mean, I use my oven a whole lot. My microwave is also broken (only the "1" button and "Start/Stop" works currently) but I don't give a crap about my microwave. I want to heat things to perfection, create masterful casseroles, bake things! Not turn it into hot slop which is what my microwave excels at doing. She promised to put in a work order immediately and call me back with an ETA. This put me at ease, and I expected to come home to a working oven that very day (oh, how very wrong I am sometimes.) My landlady did not call me back until three days later to tell me the gas company will be by there on Friday (which was two more days after THAT.) Waiting games, what can ya do?
I happened to be home that Friday with a headache, and was able to let the gas expert in. He perplexed me, though. He was asking the wrong questions. I wondered if there was a gas leak and it was making me interpret words wrong. For example, ME: "I've been here a little over a year and it's worked fine until I noticed it stopped working at the beginning of this week. It's just not coming on at all anymore." HIM: "...So it's never worked before?" ME:  *sigh* ...Yeah, it was like that for several minutes. Finally, he identified the problem and said he needed to pick up a part, then asked if I was going to be home. I told him I was going to be home for the rest of the day, relieved it was all being handled in a timely manner. But he said "No, Monday." He said it like I was crazy to assume he'd be able to get things fixed in one day. Errr, okay. I would be at work, but it's fine for him to come back when I'm not there, the landlady can let him in right? I guess I can wait. 
Monday came and went. Then before I knew it, the rest of the week was almost to a close as well when my landlady finally got back to my phone messages to bring me up to speed on what happened - the gas company guy came back that Wednesday, and even with the new part, it wouldn't work so she hired oven professionals to come into my home and it should be fixed by Friday. Alright! Great! Professionals!
I came home late Friday to discover that I had a doormat. How odd... I immediately assumed, rather than think it nice I have a brand new doormat I never asked for, that the oven professionals stole it from someone else's doorstep and those neighbors will probably confront me about it soon. The truth was something worse and wonkier. The doormat was sort of askew (damn kids!) and as I nudged it into a proper place with my foot, I noticed a shiny metal thingy on the ground, just out for anyone to see and pick up. It was a key. I tried it in my door's lock. It worked. *insert table flip* 
Why not just leave the key to my home right in the lock? Or post a note on my door "Attention: I have a lot of expensive stuff inside but please be honorable and don't rob me, thanks?"  How many people were in my apartment that day, exactly? I must have left 20 minutes of hot message on my landlady's phone. BTW - she lives on site, supposedly, but she is never home and takes approximately three days to answer all messages but only if she feels like it. (Grah.) So these oven professionals get me a doormat just so they can put my key under it to access it later. Except, their plan is flawed because the key somehow found its way to the middle of the walkway anyhow. BUT the punchline is: my oven still didn't work.
The next week she called back days after my rant to apologize profusely and she promised me she didn't know about the key situation, but they won't be coming back. Then she said that the gas company, their property maintenance guy and two oven professionals were all in my apartment that week to scratch their heads over why my oven won't work. So they decided to just buy a new one. My landlady promised it will be installed by Friday. Well Friday came and went as usual. I called for a status update, didn't get a call back until days later, also becoming the norm... And she informed me they had to order one from Home Depot, but they have to measure my oven first. Great! Measure it! You have my permission, now go! Well they don't get around to it until Thursday and she promises again, "It will be done by Friday" - yeah right. Friday came and went. Again. Of course it did.
Another week later and she finally called me yesterday to say that there was a mix-up, they got the wrong size (what happened to measuring it??) and that they got the right one now and it will be installed.....? You guessed it: by Friday. I do not take her word for it, are you kidding me? Why should I?
When I got home yesterday, I did not expect to see any progress whatsoever, so I picked up some chicken marsala yumminess from Presto Pasta on the way and had the landlady's answering machine on speed dial. To my surprise, however, it really did happen! I have a new oven! It is definitely new looking. It is shiny and clean. There was a new manual next to it. Whether it works or not will be determined later because I honestly didn't care at the time - I was just elated that I finally have an oven! A real gas oven with a working stove and everything! I'm not hallucinating! I can freaking cook again!

If your eyes glazed over all of that, here's the short version: It took over a month for "them" to make sure my apartment has a functioning oven/stove unit. Yep! This kind of speedy follow-up service is included in my $1040/mos rent.

Between this and the shitty asphalt job (shitty is the correct word, trust me. If you are local, take a look sometime and marvel at what a ridiculous shitty job they did) and the size of the apartment and the landlady's apathy to vandalism - why am I still living here? What am I paying for exactly? Empty units. The property management company needs to make their money and they ain't! I'm locked into a year lease - however, I may be able to get out of it because of how this whole oven ordeal was handled. I may not be able to afford a house in Pt. Hueneme in a year, but you should confirm with your beliefs, reader, that I will not be living in the same apartment in a year's time. (Unless the landlady is replaced by someone rad and my rent comes down a couple hundred dollars.)

The happy ending may be the new oven, or that I don't have to pay for any of this malarky, but I like to also think the happy ending is that I am going to a Superhero Party tonight in Goleta.


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